Late nights

I can't stand our political system. And it bothers me that I even care about how much I can't stand our political system. I just want to do my job well, be a good mother, wife, friend... I am so tired of pretty words that mean nothing. I want someone to stand up for the normal people - the tired, trying-to-understand-all-sides and still voting (although for what, I'm not sure). If my candidate doesn't win, my vote doesn't even count. I want a real democratic election.

15 years ago...

Lost my Daddy. He wasn't perfect, but there have been so many times in those 15 years I have wanted to call him, see him, share something with him. And I can't. If I take solace in my eventual END, I have to take solace in his - or at least his idea of heaven - that it's different for everyone - it's what everyone needed when they were on earth to be the best version of themselves- that they don't have to be ashamed, embarrassed about or apologetic about. Missing him right now.

When I get to Heaven, I'll...

I hate this one. If we live forever, praise forever, desire mansions of gold and streets paved with precious gems, we're not ourselves to begin with. Stop saying, "I'll do ____ and I'll see _____." You won't. As humans, we are defined by our limitations - the fact that we have a few short years on this planet to make the most of. If we are suddenly given eternity, to praise and enjoy our heavenly wealth (which looks suspiciously like greed here on Earth,) will we really be ourselves?

No. And if I'm not myself, but some altered form of energy that can withstand eternity doing things I didn't want ot do on Earth, How can it possibly be heaven?

Instead, I'll help people in need while they are in need. I'll feed the hungry, clothe the cold, house the homeless and listen to the brokenhearted. And when I die, I will take heart as I take my last breath, that it is, INDEED, my last breath - and there will be no more of me than what I left behind. So much solace in that thought...

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder...

No, it's not. The beholder's ideas of beauty are paraded in magazines and on TV, in the movies and the covers of CDs. We just need to remind ourselves it's not real. Look out of your window on a rainy day and watch the droplets hit the grass and the wind sway the branches. Watch a bird fly. Look at a child in deep concentration.


Look at yourself in the mirror.

This is beautiful. Maybe not beauty, but beautiful. 

God doesn't give you the people you want... he gives you the people you need.

...God will send you the people to love you, leave you, break your heart, tempt you, berate you and eventually turn you into the person you were meant to be.

REALLY? That means he knowingly send me a sinner - who had to keep sinning - to present me with the opportunity to sin and learn something from it?

I'm not a big fan of this kind of God.